i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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