Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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