Can Purell be used as lube?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
