the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
