Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We had to coat check the pizza.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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