hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
