So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
