the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Pants are for mortals
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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