Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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