Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
