just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
