I could make wine with my vomit
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
