I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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