I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
