Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
