Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i think my mom watched the whole time
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
How does one acquire holy water?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
