I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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