She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
