he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
