i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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