i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
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