Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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