if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I think people are normalizing furries
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
