PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
