so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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