he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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