I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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