biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
