Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
