Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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