how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
