My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
