so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
