Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
