New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
