Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
