Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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