Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
