no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
