Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
