Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
