And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
