It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
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