Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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