dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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