I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
