is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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