like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you didnt know i had herpes?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
