i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
