I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
