then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
