Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
