I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
