from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
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